Flowers on the altar
Dad died a year ago, today. As sister Tracy says, we've made it through the first year - a year of firsts - first birthday without him, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first Easter. But we've made it.
Mom sent flowers to each of our churches in memory of Dad. The flowers on our altar are beautiful, and I've seen pictures of Tracy's flowers.
I miss him.
I thought this morning about the first time I ever remember thinking about the relationship between me and my Dad. It was nighttime. We were on our way to visit my aunt and uncle, Peggy and Alan. We were supposed to be sleeping in the back seat, but I was too excited. Mother was asleep in the front, and my two brothers in the back seat. Dad was driving, and I was pretending to sleep. But I kept glancing at him as the cars would pass us, illuminating his face. I could see part of his face from the profile, and I could see part of him as reflection in the rearview mirror. I thought about wanting to be like him in some way, even though we were different in so many ways. And I thought about how I knew he loved me, even though I was somewhat the "problem" child.
Profile and reflection - those words remind me of something one of my friends wrote last year as an offering of condolence.
". . . We try hard to grow up, to catch him and be his peer, but he won't wait for us. He gets away and we grieve because we believe we have lost his presence, his guidance, his voice. But he is trickier than that. He has doubled back on you, Richard. Only death would let him do that. It is the only way to let you catch up. Since you were born, he has been hiding small pieces of himself in you. Look in the mirror. One day you will see him looking out of your eyes. You will have his voice in your head guiding your decisions. You will hear his words from your mouth, his inflections. You will see his expressions on your face . . ."
Profile and reflection . . .
Thanks, Dad.
posted by the sojourning pilgrim @ 2:43 PM
1 Comments:
Thanks for sharing this beautiful memory with us.
Post a Comment
<< Home