Sojourning Pilgrim

for Dad

after seven weeks in heaven

I still hear the fear in your voice
it had more to do with the act of dying as it did with
the result
You didn’t want to be abandoned
and I hurt so very much that I left you there.

You were entering unknown territory -
we all die alone.
They met you there – your mother, and your brother
you saw them, and you called their names.
I hope you know that helps me, when I start to think
too much . . .

Have you watched as I have wept – every friday night
in loss and loneliness
and a hopelessness I could not have imagined

I do not know what to do with my feelings when they come
I only know that I want to do more
and that I want to
share
and that I want
you

And then, the calendar says “Father’s Day”
I hope you know
I don’t know what to do with that
either . . .

Father’s Day
it’s been seven weeks
and I started wondering if
you think of us at all
now that you’re there
in heaven

There’s part of me that thinks so
and part of me that doesn’t
To be with Jesus
I wouldn’t blame you if you never
thought of us
at all
ever
again

I wanted you to know – this Father’s day
that your memory now comes with tears
every time

tears of gratitude, and happy days
and things I learned from
my best teacher
my first teacher
who was my friend
as well . . .
and I find myself wishing
you were here

to laugh with
to talk to
to argue with

and

to love

posted by the sojourning pilgrim @ 3:22 PM